Derek and Shea in SA

hopeless?

Today was a day I won't forget in all of my life. Today Shea and I experienced hopelessness like I have never experienced before. We experienced heartache that we haven't experienced in a long time, if ever. We experienced something words can't explain. I experienced Africa. What life is really like here.

We are currently in the Transkei with a couple from Montana who is here to do some film work for the ministry and make videos to send back to America and anywhere else to help raise awareness of what is going on here.

We went to a school today that was full of orphans who borrow clothes from other kids and who literally only eat the soup that Oceans of Mercy supplies. The kids expressed their thankfulness to the American donors and were very happy to see us. The principal of the school introduced us to an orphan who doesn't even have a care taker. His parents have passed away from AIDS and have left him all alone.

Doesn't even have anyone to go home to at night. He was in sixth grade.

She asked the student to stand in front of the class so we could see that he didn't have clothes that were worth wearing. Our intentions were to just say hi and film the soup club. Those intentions only went so far because somewhere there was a communication breakdown and the school thought we were there with lots of funding to help their school and possibly all of the kids. If I could've bought all of the kids who had shabby clothes on new clothes, I would've on the spot. So the story goes on with her making it public that this child in particular was an orphan with no one to go home to at night and borrowed the clothes he had on. There were holes in his shoes and he was wearing a winter coat to cover the shirt underneath. Her intentions were good as well as she was trying to get this child taken care of. After the child sat back down he had tears streaming down his face. Tears of pain, lonliness, and heartache that I can't even begin to understand.

My heart broke. I wanted to freak out. I feel like I can't shake the look in his eyes.

After the class was over, Shea and I pulled the child aside in private and told him that we loved him and that we wanted to help him out. That we would make sure that he had shoes and clothes that were worth wearing. My heart is still broken. We still lay in bed crying and praying for him as he lays in a hut with no one.

I feel a bit hopeless and really helpless. I feel guilty for the things I have. I feel like screaming at God and getting really mad. I want to ask why this child? I know we can't save Africa even though I wish we could. I know we can't see change happen overnight, but I wish we could. I know that change can't happen here without leaders. I know now more than ever why we are here. I know that this blog and this ministry is not about Derek and Shea.

I know that change can't happen in Africa without Christ-centered leaders.

I know that the people here need the hope of a Savior. The only Savior, Father, and Friend that can save us, Jesus.

In our short time here I've seen that the native people are the only ones who can make that change. I've also seen that our role is to help and guide them. To give them someone to talk to and walk hand in hand with.

Today is over and tomorrow is a new day. Please pray for this child and many, many more like this one.