Derek and Shea in SA

The Blow Torched Body Slam

Wow.  Just finished watching an interview of Derek and I before we moved here, talking about this big African adventure ahead of us...and I barely recognize the people sitting on that stage.

These two newlyweds with a pretty packaged two year plan excited about saving the world.  Living in the Eastern Cape and workin with this little ministry... I'm writing this today from my couch in the KwaZulu Natal province, doing nothing I thought I would be doing, with my husband I've been married to for 3 years and wondering how I got here?

I hear myself talking about the "need" in this nation, man-oh-man I had no idea...I don't think I really knew it at the time, but I was out to meet those needs.  And I've been shown and convinced and body slammed with the truth that I just  can't solve all South Africa's problems.  That all those good things I wanted to do, were nothing compared to what it could be like if my job was just preparing a little space for Him to do.  And sometimes for a "doer" like me that feels a bit like being tortured with a blow torch.  It requires my trust be in Him and not me.  It requires talking to Him more than talking to others.  It requires asking questions when I just want to give 5 steps to happier tomorrow.

I  just listened to my 2 years ago self say "I think it's comforting to investors and our parents that we're not just losing it and moving over to a foreign land where we know know no one and know nothing and have this dream of starting something new"... but that's actually, exactly what God had in store.

I'm no where I thought I would be, on so many levels.  And sometimes I resent that and it feels unfair and I wonder if I'm moving backwards.  But if I wasn't here I don't think I would be exactly where He wants me.  Sometimes people put "missions people" or "ministry people" up on a pedestal.  I'm becoming increasingly convinced we just might be the worst of the worst.  I think He knew He'd have to drag me allll the way here to teach me who's boss.