Derek and Shea in SA

caught day dreaming

"We often assume that the poor have nothing to give back to God.  This may be related to a second assumption which is that since those living in poverty don't have much money, they have little or nothing to give to God.  This could explain why in some churches the collection is taken in a velvet bag with a small hole in a wooden handle at the top.  The only thing it is designed to receive is money-something the poor don't have in abundance.  As one man in Africa said, "you can't even put in a banana, let alone a cow or a bag of maize.  Churches that have broken dependency on outside resources have learned that a new kind of giving must be found if they are to get on their feet financially.  Of course, that will mean changing basic assumptions about giving.

A few years ago I learned about a church in Rwanda that invited its members to bring whatever they had without emphasis on money.  They found that so many kinds of produce were brought that the church had to assign a previously unemployed person to collect and sell the produce the church was given.  They also found in the process that a side benefit emerged.  The side benefit was that they were able to help some truly needy people in the community from the produce given to the church.  The church not only had increased income for its operation, but it was able to minister to those who were truly needy in their midst.  In addition to the produce stand from which they sold the things member were bringing, they eventually created a cattle kraal [fence] for the animals that were given to the church.  When the assumption about what could be give to the church changed, the "offering basket" was enlarged to the size of a cattle kraal!"

Dreaming of hearts in this place that through relationship with Him would find themselves in excess, excess to help and serve those that are in need.  Praying for Him to work wonders.

New Xhosa wives…

...are my new heroes! And that's the truth...He sure knew what He was doing, makin me an American bride in a pretty white dress that I choose to my liking and with a respect for my husband that was echoed in me just as much.

I spent an afternoon laughing over "cool drink" (coke) with two of my Xhosa lady friends. One sat pretty in her long skirt and black duke wrapped elegantly around her head...the other in her pants-that she would never trade for a skirt and certainly not for a husband.

The makoti (African new bride) started "I must wear this black duke until December-after we have been married 3 months I can wear whatever color I choose".  Only to be echoed by my fried Thula rubbing her short, nearly shaved head, "shhhhho-no way-I like my short hair...I never want to wear a duke."  They went back and forth like this for an hour-and I wished I could have gotten it on tape.

"Shea, my wedding was not a happy day" ...she wore a towel over her clothes and around her waist.  She had a blanket draped over her shoulders and spent her day staring at the ground.  Her parents were not aloud to come.  Her wedding day was spent cooking for her new husband's entire family, ALONE...waiting on each and every one of them until every dish was clean...alone.  "I cried on that day.  My husbands whole family was there telling me what to do...do this, do that...they stared at me the whole day, and it wasn't kind."

Much attention goes into tying her duke in a certain way...over and over again, until it's just right.  She shared the humiliation that came with being a brand new bride; not being able to look anyone in the eye...head down wherever she went.  She was only allowed to speak in a low voice and wouldn't be caught raising her voice on ANY occasion-even to greet her friend across the road.  She must move slow-"even if I see a taxi is coming and I see I'm gonna miss it-NO-move sloooow like this...even if I see there is a rain coming-NO! I mustn't rush, I mustn't rush."  New wives must wear a scarf around their waste to show respect for their ancestors.  Although, for her, I think it's more about respecting her in-law's, who respect the ancestors.  At first she had to have her entire foot covered and wear closed toe shoes...but after a while, when her husband's father and mother said it was alright, she could wear shoes of her own choice.  She must wear a long sleeved button up shirt AND a jersey (sweater)...until her husband's father and mother give her their permission.  Only then can she wear a button-up shirt that must come to her elbow.  She must obey her husband's father and mother-catering to their every need...no matter where she is, no matter what she is doing, all must come to a hault when they call on her by the new name THEY chose for her-because her in law's do choose an entirely new first name for her. *And by the way, they "call on her" by sending one of their grandchildren or other young relatives to "send her a message" and the message is "my grandfather is calling for you".  She must cook for them, clean for them, do their laundry (by hand-I might add), do their ironing, make their tea...

And then there's la bola...the wage a man pays for his wife.  It can be a dollar amount or a number of cows-her price tag.

She had no explanation for why is must be this way, only that it must.  To a girl that's plagued by questions, espeically the question why, I couldn't help but feel offended...violated on her behalf.  As for me, I've never been more thankful to be American made.

The beautiful part of the story, and there is always a beautiful part...she ended by saying, "I would do it all over again to be my husband's bride."

WOW